Houston! There is a poo *in* the potty!

Warning: In light of today's events, you may want to skip this entry if you are easily grossed out!

So Katie POOPED *IN* the potty today!
In the potty!
Not on the floor, in her diaper, or on the deck...no, no...IN the potty!
Darn near had a stroke from all the dancing and whoopla that ensued! So as I'm doling out the 'potty treats' as a "congrats on your first poop in the potty", my bloody dog...

(you were warned...)

ATE THE POOP!

Yup, she gulped those turds down faster than you could say "potty treats". Oh, oh, the horror of seeing my dog smacking her mouth, happy as a pig in...well, shit. Stupid dog. She has always had a fascination with poop. As a puppy she would gobble up all the frozen turds from the yard and run laps with them dangling out of her mouth. Kip called them "poop-sicles".
My family is so dysfunctional.

Anyways, this is day 5-6 with potty training so I was very proud of Katie! Hooray!

On tap for the weekend. A BBQ on Saturday. That's it. I have promised myself that I would start packing for this move that is coming up in, what, a few weeks. UGH UGH UGH!

Going to barf now...
luv, me

potty manipulation

I'm melting.

It's been over 100'c for the last 3 weeks...no rain...no shade...no air conditioning. Imagine being sticky, hot and grouchy and then strapping a plastic bag to your bum.

Ewww.

So as stupid as we might be, Katie has had a lot of "free bum" time as of late.

(Having said that, MUAH to Costco for providing those Kirkland paper towels that are super soaky and cheap!)

Anyways, being the brilliant mommy that I am, I take out her "Royal Potty"... just to see what happens...and wouldn't you know that she waltzes over and takes a pee on it!

Well, hello! It's party time over here at the Martin's! I'm whooping! I'm woo-woo-ing! I'm dancing! I'm screeching!
(ooops, the window are open and surely my neighbors are dialing 911)

I dole out the "potty treats" (melted M&M's) and cross my fingers that it wasn't a fluke.

Fast forward to day 4 and we are still doing okay! She does much better nude and so adding a pull-up just confuses her into thinking she is in a diaper (which she is). This poses a problem for when we actually have to leave the house.

For instance.

We went up to Calgary to celebrate Katie's "God-sister's" 6th birthday, we brought the potty...just in case. I'm not sure what was more bizarre:

Seeing Katie pee in the potty at Esso...on the front seat of the car!

or...

Going to a birthday party with a potty tucked under your arm!

Of course, Katie has to add her own little twist and manipulation to things. She figured out that by yelling "I need potty" and "I have to pee!" results in us running over to her where she woo'd and rewarded with special treats. Good gig. And obviously this will work amazing when it comes time for naps...bedtime...time outs...getting dressed...eating...

Yup, very handy.

sigh.

Anyways...I'm off to tinfoil my house. Ya, I did say tinfoil...you will see my windows glistening in the scorching, hot sun for miles around. This is what separates the rich from the poor in Lethbridge...tinfoil!

Before I bolt...picture time!

Katie visiting PJ and Lucas

Katie, licking her cake (seriously?) and her God-sister, Maddy.

Bonnie, one of my Best Friends...ever!
She will surely kill me for posting this picture.
pssst. Bon, I like your tits in that top!

lmao!
Bonnie, you KNEW I HAD to comment!

One that note...tah tah!

out of the mouths of asses

I know what you are thinking..."oh isn't she all posty lately".
*raspberry*

I hope it is appreciated that I am able to share utterly horrifying tidbits about my life with all of you Joe Public out there...ummm ya.

So, I'm off to the gym at 8:30 (bloody) a.m. only to find out that nobody has shown up for the childminding center. i.e. No babysitter. Errrr. So while we are waiting, I set up for my weight lifting class all the while keeping an eye on my 2 year old running rampant around the studio.

I am bending over to set up my weights...gravity working at full capacity, mommy boobs and muffin top dangling wildly out of control, lips pursed ready to scream "Katie, no" when...

this lady (whom I have NEVER had a conversation with) says,
"Oh, do I see a bump there?"

stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!

Did you just?
you didn't? Did you?
Wait, are you talking to me?
Huh?
nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

So I look up, my fat a'hanging and my face beat red and realise that yes. Yes. She IS talking to me. My Bump.

Me: "no, it's just fat." (I truly said that). "Maybe you can call it a post-bump from her" (head nod to Katie). giggle. giggle..........giggle. Crickets.
Lady: blah blah blah (couldn't hear a word for every ounce of blood was throbbing in my face.)
Me: "yup, that's why I am here!"

die...

sqreeeeeeeeech. rewind.
What I should have done was this:

"beyotch!!!!"
bitch slap, bitch slap, bitch slap
upper cut. karate CHOP
WHAM! KAPOW! UGH!

Ya, this lady needed a good ole fashion bitch slap. I mean, are you kidding me? I have NEVER asked someone if they were pregnant. Never. Until that belly is contacting right before your eyes and you see a head...don't ask. Never, ever ask.

To add insult to injury, I am totally red on white...marking our ONE YEAR of trying to get pregnant AND that everyone seems to so utterly fertile lately that if I get one more..."We have news..." I'll vomit.
Can I just say that IF you want to strike up conversation with me, try an opening like "I see you've hacked off 6 inches of hair...cute". So much easier to take than, "hey porky, gotta a bun in there or did you hit the MacDonald's for a whooper before class?"

whatever.

So I was in shatty mood all day yesterday. Wouldn't you know that my afternoon plans included a pool setting, bathing suits and run-in's with old highschool classmates.

Pow. Shoot me now.

So, I'm off to buy some Spanx. Fun, fun!

~chubs~

had to share

Katie has this fascination with private parts and especially my bras. Apparently my brassieres make great toys. Nice
Anyways, today she brings me my bra and says, "mommy? Hide your boobies?"

*in tears*

Where the hell do toddlers come up with this stuff! Love it!

a la CHOP!

Not the best picture but I wanted to show off my new 'do!

So I haven't had time to post and here is why...

LITTLE BLUE BEFORE

...AND AFTER!

Repeat..."I have a vision. I have a vision! Don't panic. Don't panic!!"

Ya, so aside from my whole family melting into a pile of goo...
(it's been 36'c for the last 2 weeks...no we don't have a/c)
...we've been all about "little blue".

Picking colors. Flooring. Kitchens. So overwhelming! So fun!

Anyways, no long post tonight it's too damn hot! I'll be back though...don't give up on me yet!

~It's a good thing~

Better make it a double

This is a face destined for the Vodka bottle. Seriously.
2 weeks of vacation=one cranky child.

Yay, that I am oozing with news...boo, that today is the first day in over a month that my kid will nap. No nap. No Blog!

Starting with...Kip has a new job! He got it the same week we sold our house, it was a crazy week I tell ya! He is an official Telus employee now! Woot! Woot! Yay Kip!

I applied to Jenny Craig and was offered a position there as a program director. Sounded like a good opportunity and the money was a big lure but they wanted me to work split shifts, every Saturday and holidays. Uh, no thanks. I turned down the job but YAY ME for getting an offer.

We went to Oregon for a week on an impromptu get away. We spent a few days in The Dalles with Kip's mom and then headed to Yakima to see his dad.
(I ate a lot, A LOT, of cherries. Really, really a lot.)
Kip and I managed to grab some alone time and even squeezed in a date day in Portland. Gotta LOVE having all those babysitters around...hello! In Portland we hit all of our old dating spots....it was incredibly romantic and much needed. We held hands, shopped, went for lunch...man, if you ever feel like you are in a funk...go to where you fell in love. It was a huge AWWWWWW for us.
Manly, our vacation was letting Katie show off for the Grandparents. And she did, quite well actually. Oh and eating cherries.
Jim and Linda met us back home for a nice week long visit. Again, access to free babysitting is priceless!

So...full circle to the vodka bottle. Um, ya. Good times on holidays followed by a week of "undoing". Hitting. Yup, she picked that up real quick from one of her cousins. Gave me a nice little lump on my nose...weapon of choice, board-book.

Just about killed her.

Time Out.
Time Out.
Time Out.

And sleeping. Or lack there of.

"mommy? coming?"
"I cry mommy"
*thrash, thrash*
"daddy? nap?"
*thrash*
"I cry"
*thrash* *cry* *thrash*

Things appear to be calming down now. Pray for me, my sanity. I'd hate to blog from the loony bin & somehow I doubt that vodka is even on the menu.

I'm currently in negotiations with my hair. I am thinking of doing something drastic like a nice summer CHOP! I had my hair short like that a few times and I feel like it's time for a change. Will post a picture IF I do it. The growing out bit is where I am hesitating. So brutal.

Okay, later gators!

(60 pounds of cherries. Seriously)

(Devoured the book, "A Thousand Splendid Suns" during our road trip. So good! A must read!)