I know what you are thinking..."oh isn't she all posty lately".
*raspberry*
I hope it is appreciated that I am able to share utterly horrifying tidbits about my life with all of you Joe Public out there...ummm ya.
So, I'm off to the gym at 8:30 (bloody) a.m. only to find out that nobody has shown up for the childminding center. i.e. No babysitter. Errrr. So while we are waiting, I set up for my weight lifting class all the while keeping an eye on my 2 year old running rampant around the studio.
I am bending over to set up my weights...gravity working at full capacity, mommy boobs and muffin top dangling wildly out of control, lips pursed ready to scream "Katie, no" when...
this lady (whom I have NEVER had a conversation with) says,
"Oh, do I see a bump there?"
stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!
Did you just?
you didn't? Did you?
Wait, are you talking to me?
Huh?
nooooooooooooooooooooooo.
So I look up, my fat a'hanging and my face beat red and realise that yes. Yes. She IS talking to me. My Bump.
Me: "no, it's just fat." (I truly said that). "Maybe you can call it a post-bump from her" (head nod to Katie). giggle. giggle..........giggle. Crickets.
Lady: blah blah blah (couldn't hear a word for every ounce of blood was throbbing in my face.)
Me: "yup, that's why I am here!"
die...
sqreeeeeeeeech. rewind.
What I should have done was this:
"beyotch!!!!"
bitch slap, bitch slap, bitch slap
upper cut. karate CHOP
WHAM! KAPOW! UGH!
Ya, this lady needed a good ole fashion bitch slap. I mean, are you kidding me? I have NEVER asked someone if they were pregnant. Never. Until that belly is contacting right before your eyes and you see a head...don't ask. Never, ever ask.
To add insult to injury, I am totally red on white...marking our ONE YEAR of trying to get pregnant AND that everyone seems to so utterly fertile lately that if I get one more..."We have news..." I'll vomit.
Can I just say that IF you want to strike up conversation with me, try an opening like "I see you've hacked off 6 inches of hair...cute". So much easier to take than, "hey porky, gotta a bun in there or did you hit the MacDonald's for a whooper before class?"
whatever.
So I was in shatty mood all day yesterday. Wouldn't you know that my afternoon plans included a pool setting, bathing suits and run-in's with old highschool classmates.
Pow. Shoot me now.
So, I'm off to buy some Spanx. Fun, fun!
~chubs~
5 comments:
Your posts crack me up, I've had two people recently ask me if I were pregnant and I almost had to kill them.
This article is somewhat applicable to your post. Check it out http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/?GT1=10150
hallelujah sista!!!! That article rocks!!!
Oh Nicole that totally sucks, I've had someone ask me that too (well before I was pregnant that is), and I was horrified. You certainly don't look like your pregnant no matter what RUDE old lady said. You look fabulous, so don't let her ruin things for you.
I saw your blog site on facebook and this cracked me up! What mum can't relate to that new, all so fashionable, muffin-top? Embrace it and remember that in 10 yrs time you are going to look back and wish you had this body!
Post a Comment